10.13.2008

Better Me #1 - Why My Closet Will Have Cobwebs

Things are changing. I'm starting over, in a lot of ways. This is the first post in a series of installments about a big change happening in my life that will surprise some of you and disgust others.

No more stuff.

I'm manic. When it hits, I shop. That's the dirty truth. I've found a way to to make spending incremental money like hitting cocaine. It's euphoric. I can't necessarily explain it, but if you are someone who has obsessive compulsive behavior of any kind, you'll understand why doing it is like a drug you need to feel good.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not going out and buying $300 dresses or expensive shoes. It's the little stuff, from Ross or Target that gets me in trouble. Cheap stuff that doesn't last longer than the guilt I have for buying it. At the height of the insanity I'd buy things that didn't even fit me and store them. Things had tags.

You may think "Nissa. You need self control." And, you'd be right. Unfortunately, it isn't as simple to just stop. It's my belief that my problem is stemmed from years of being horribly poor and being unable to replace holey jeans. We never had money to buy what we needed, so who the hell was saving it? We spent it when we got it because we had to. Now, being an adult, having a job that pays alright, I spend it because I'm afraid if if I don't, it will be gone, and I'll be without all the things I need. It's sick.

And, I don't want to do it anymore. I should say I've been working on this already, because I have. I sold a bunch of clothes on eBay and trash-bagged more to give to Goodwill. I stopped buying clothes that dont't fit. I started using an allowance method at stores rather than just getting whatever I wanted.

I ordered myself three new dresses on clearance from an online store I love last week for my upcoming trip to Las Vegas. They will arrive this week, and once they get here, I'll have the last three new dresses for 2008. No clearance racks, no eBay, no new stuff for the holidays. Nothing.

It's not going to be easy. Withdrawl never is. Can I do it? We'll see.

2 people's thoughts:

Monkeymama October 13, 2008 at 10:46 AM  

Good luck Nissa - we all find ways to cope with things and it is very difficult when the coping mechanism is unhealthy or unwise.

C October 13, 2008 at 7:36 PM  

I think it's sort of fitting in a way, since you probably bought all that stuff when you were stressing about work... No source of stress, no need for the remnants of trying to cope with it.

So does this mean you'll have time to start up your etsy business? My neck is overjoyed!!!!

I hope this also means you will have more free time for us to get together... When's your last day?

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